Parenting expert Kiva Schuler looks at a radically different way to parent, where we examine our behaviors, expectations, and values as parents and stop asking so many questions about how to get children to behave

To raise happier humans with the courage and self-image to be risk-takers, change-
makers, and creators, we need to redefine our roles as parents. Because, let’s face it, traditional parenting suggests to most young people that their feelings don’t matter, they should play it safe, and that many of their dreams are impractical. This is not the way to raise future adults who believe in the endless possibilities of being alive, who desire to—and do—effect positive social change.

Just because something’s “traditional” or “normal” doesn’t mean it’s right. I used to be apprehensive when speaking about parenting. I didn’t want anyone to feel badly or judged. And I didn’t want to be perceived as some sanctimonious know-it-all telling other people how to raise their children. But, I came to understand Peaceful Parenting. And its universality. And freedom from sanctimony and judgment.

Many years ago, I told my team at The Jai Institute for Parenting that we only needed to reach people who already knew, or felt in their souls, that they wanted to parent peacefully but didn’t know how. “Families know what’s best for their children,” was the thinking. If someone chooses a more traditional approach, “Well, ok, but I guess they just aren’t our crowd.”

But no longer. Peaceful Parenting is, we believe, for everyone who cares about children and our collective future.

Recently, we overhauled our Parent Coach Training curriculum and dove into the most contemporary psychological and developmental research. We interviewed dozens and dozens of parents. We heard stories from their childhoods. Stories that sometimes broke our hearts.

It’s the rare person who wasn’t somehow wounded by their parents. Not because our parents didn’t love us or want to do right by us, but because of pervasive, long-held ideas about good parenting. For example, that good parenting has children meet some prescribed standard of behavior. This means kids are scolded, admonished, shamed back into line, and if they don’t comply, punished or even physically harmed.

Our culture tells us this is good parenting, which causes an internal struggle in parents like us who long for something different. We’re uneasy with the commonplace truism that we need to parent our children authoritatively while feeling—and ignoring or suppressing—the strong instinct that it hurts them and us. When children experience harm, even unintentionally, from the people they love the most, it impacts their self-image and self-esteem.

So when we yell at kids or withhold affection because they’re “too much,” or if we punish them or compel them to stop crying, we’re doing the same thing to our kids that our parents did to us, who were doing the same thing done to them. And back through the generations we go, one after the next, getting bruised, inside and out. Ouch.

Children today face seismic instability, born into a world that, through a constant barrage of news and media, instills in them the idea they’re not safe. Whether it’s climate change, media, the pandemic, etc., the culture is doing a number on our kids. They need us to transcend “normal parenting” now.

When her high-risk pregnancy endangered her life and her babies’ lives, she used the experience to teach other moms how to better communicate with doctors

Crystal Duffy went into her high-risk pregnancy like many other mothers, trusting in her doctors and expecting the best outcome. As many expectant mothers learn, things don’t always go as planned. In Duffy’s case, at 21 weeks, she had a “gut” feeling something was wrong. She talked to her doctor and underwent tests that showed that her twin daughters shared a single placenta. Duffy never knew that the crucial information about one or two placentas could mean the difference between life or death, for her babies and herself.

Duffy, who was age 29 at the time, was experiencing an uncommon but serious complication of pregnancy called placental abruption, which occurs when the placenta separates from the uterine wall before delivery. If untreated, the condition could result in the babies not getting enough oxygen or nutrients, which could cause premature birth or stillbirth. For the mother, the risk is hemorrhaging and bleeding to death during delivery.

Duffy and her doctors collaborated and determined that she should undergo an in vitro surgery to correct the problem, and they decided she should deliver her babies early, at 30 weeks. Duffy’s delivery went as well as could be expected, though she spent two months on extended bed-reset and her premature infants spent 38 days in NICU. The traumatic experience of finding out about her life-threatening pregnancy complication and then having to make crucial decisions to save her life and the lives of her children proved a transformative experience for Duffy and her family.

To help other mothers and families facing similar situations, Duffy wrote a book, Twin to Twin: From High-Risk Pregnancy to Happy Family. Duffy’s twin daughters are now four years old, and they are healthy and happy sisters to her oldest daughter, who is six, and Duffy feels her emotionally, physically and spiritually transformative experience has given her the strength, knowledge and inspiration to help others through their journey of a high-risk pregnancy.

Duffy’s book gives practical advise to mothers regarding how to communicate with their doctors and form a partnership with them. She also advises mothers to learn everything then can about their pregnancy and possible complications, so that they are prepared if something does go wrong. Duffy urges mothers to speak up, ask questions, and to trust their inner feelings about their pregnancy, since they know their bodies better than anyone else. Through the book, Duffy aims to equip mothers to handle all aspects of their pre- and post-natal self-care, from dealing with anxiety to finding creative outlets and otherwise staying mentally healthy while home caring for a newborn.

Taking a challenging episode of her life and making it into a positive is part of Duffy’s message to other mothers. She has become an advocate for mothers experiencing high-risk pregnancy, and she now dedicates herself to educating other mothers, by serving as a patient advocate on advisory boards at hospitals and through TV appearances and involvement in raising awareness for campaigns such as of Preemie awareness month in November and Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS) Awareness Month in December. She is also a leader in a movement #ChangeTheConversation, which encourages doctors and mothers-to-be to communicate more effectively, to improve pregnancy and delivery outcomes.

Why is the message of tolerance and inclusion an important message for children to hear today?

by Kevin Christofora

One of my favorite metaphors is that of the American ‘melting pot’: this idea that our country is made up of a whole host of ethnicities, religions, and viewpoints that all come together to create something beautiful and new. America is a place of diversity and therefore, a place for tolerance. Some people treat “tolerance” as a modern buzzword, but it’s a core value of America, and always has been.

As a little league coach and the author of The Hometown All Stars, I do my best to be a positive influence in the lives of players, readers, and parents, and aid in difficult conversations. Parents of my players will use me for leverage by saying to their little ones, “Remember, Coach said…” In my books as well as my coaching, I truly hope to share meaningful lessons of compassion and empathy.

That’s why I believe it’s our responsibility to teach children the importance of tolerance and inclusion, and to start doing so early. Studies show that children as young as six months old can recognize race, and that at as young as three years children can even express bias based on race. While a lot of this may just boil down to the way our brains try to simplify things and make them easier to understand, it does mean that it’s essential to teach young ones to embrace difference early. Truly, they’re never too young to learn about tolerance, inclusion, and how our differences are things to celebrate rather than fear.

The first way we teach children is by example. Notice the way you speak at home, especially about people of different backgrounds or philosophies. Your kids will pick up on what you say— and what you leave unsaid. Even implied negativity can influence the way young ones view the world, and the other people in it.

You can also talk to your kids about tolerance and inclusion by paying attention to opportunities that are already there. Did someone in your child’s class get teased about their religion or ethnicity? When your kids bring up stories like this, it’s because they want to talk about them. They already know, intuitively, that something is wrong and they’re looking to you to help them understand it. When you talk about the given issue or story with them, focus on empathy and getting them to put themselves in someone else’s shoes.

Finally, celebrate the people in your family’s life who are different from you: your neighbors, family friends, teachers, and community leaders. These people reflect the American melting pot: they likely are of different races, ethnicities, religions, and ideologies, but they aren’t so different from you and your family. Your kids will learn tolerance and inclusion just by living it; it will be normal for them, and they will grow into accepting and empathetic adults.

Talk to your kids about tolerance and inclusion early, and it will always be part of their lives. Teach them to be empathetic, accepting, and to celebrate the differences of others. Then, their actions will always be in line with the foundational value of the American melting pot, and will make the world a better place.

Kevin Christofora

Christofora, a father and little league coach, hopes his books will inspire children to play outside more often. A devotee of America’s pastime, he aims to teach young people about baseball and the habits of a healthy lifestyle in the form of a fun and educational bedtime story.
He has appeared on ABC News, ESPN Radio, 660 News Radio, Santa Fe – KVSF 101.5, and WDST-FM Woodstock, and has had articles featured in About Families Online, KidzEdge, Mom Blog Society, and several other publications.

Photo via Pixabay by Mccartyv

While it may seem like the last place you want to let a child loose, the kitchen is actually a great place to teach some lifelong lessons and bond with your little one. Baking and cooking can introduce concepts related to science and math and can teach responsibility; it can also boost self-esteem and confidence, two things many children don’t have enough of.

Of course, there are many safety precautions you’ll need to take. Being safe at the stove and around utensils is the priority, and teaching your child what to do in case of a fire–and how to prevent it from happening in the first place–is extremely important. It may seem like a lot of planning for something that may never happen, but knowing that your child has the right skills and knowledge to get through anything the kitchen may throw at them will give you peace of mind and keep everyone safe and happy.

Here are some of the best things to go over with your child before they begin testing out their chef skills.

Practice fire safety

Talk to your kids about the best fire safety practices. They likely know a little bit about the dangers of fire from school, where they go through drills to keep them safe in the event of an emergency. Think of your time in the kitchen together as a similar form of preparedness and go over the best ways to prevent accidents, such as:

• Never leaving towels or potholders near the stove
• Knowing where the fire extinguisher is and how to use it
• Double-checking to ensure all appliances are turned off when finished
• Unplugging cords in a safe way
• Never over-filling pots or pans

It’s also a good idea to make sure all smoke detectors are equipped with fresh batteries and that you have a carbon monoxide detector if your stove is gas-powered. For more tips on how to stay safe from fire hazards, click here.

Find kid-friendly recipes

Many recipes require quite a bit of chopping and measuring, so make sure you find some kid-friendly ones to try with your littles. Look for recipes that don’t have many ingredients and don’t require much cutting; when possible, chop up items before you begin cooking and put them in plastic bags for ease of use.

Set up the rules

It’s important for kids of all ages to learn the rules of the kitchen, which will keep everyone safe. This means washing hands before and after handling food, never tasting anything until it’s fully cooked, and using the right tools for the job. Have an assortment of different utensils–plastic, if possible–and make sure all items stay clean and dry.

Make it fun!

Cooking and baking are great ways to bond with your children and teach them about responsibility, but it should also just be plain old fun. Think of some ideas for seasonal recipes and spend some time learning how to wash, chop, and prepare the ingredients together.

Remember to stay patient as your children are learning the right ways to work in the kitchen; things may get a little messy, but for young ones, that’s half the fun. Talk to them about how to clean up after the work is done and keep the area neat and organized in order to start good habits early.

Research shows physical activity fuels kids brains

A new study found that kids who get extra physical activity tend to pay more attention in school and perform better in subjects like reading and math. It’s important that parents find fun physical activities that kids will want to put down the controller and get off the couch to participate in, especially during the colder months when kids are developing cabin fever from staying indoors all day.

Kilian Saekel, CEO of A-Champs, an interactive gaming system that encourages kids to move and play, offers the following ideas on physical activities that kids can do in the comfort of their living room to fuel their brains:

• Throw a dance party– Kids love dancing and they tend not to think of it as a physical activity, but it does raise your heart rate a significant amount if you throw yourself into it! Crank up some music and let kids create their own dance routines, have dance-off contests, or put on classics like the Macarena and the Electric Slide for choreographed fun.
• Living room obstacle course– Set up an obstacle course in your living room with stations such as crawling under a sheet or through a tunnel, hopscotch using hula hoops, carrying a ping pong ball on a spoon from one side of the room to the other and rolling up towels to use as a balance beam. You can also have kids use their imagination to create their own stations.
• Creative twist on reading– Read a book aloud together with your child and when they want to pass the reading duties along to another person they have to do an exercise move such as a jumping jack, sit up or push up.
• Set the stage– Have kids make up a play or reenact an existing story that involves them acting out different motions such as swimming across an ocean, climbing up a tree or running a marathon. Parents can also shout out different actions that the children have to incorporate into their stories.
• Put on a video– Introduce kids to new forms of exercise by putting on instructional videos for yoga poses or Zumba and Tae Bo moves. Introduce at least one new pose or move every week and have kids do reps of each one every day.
• Stick to what kids love – Kids love technology and there are various apps and games that aim to get kids off the couch and participating in physical activities. NFL Play 60 and ROXs are both great options to expose kids to tech without sitting in front of a television.

Coding Jam is the latest gameplay system that teaches kids to code while they play

The other day my son commanded Google Home to play a custom playlist he had created on a Pandora. Two things occurred to me about this. First, wow. The digitally connected future vision of the The Jetsons was coming true; and then, my more mundane thought was, “That music is awful. My 10-year-old child could write better arrangements,” and thanks to Osmo, he can.

Like many other kids who love video games, my son craves leveling up and learning how to improve his skills, and Osmo has harnessed this excitement in a new technology experience, Coding Jam, that allows kids to create music through basic coding. Using colored building blocks and a system that interacts with an iPad or iPhone, kids can arrange and play musical notes in strings and sequences to write their own tunes.

The coding system, designed for kids 5-12, was created by former Google techs as the next generation of award-winning Osmo STEAM-fueled hand-on gameplay that helps children learn valuable coding skills that they can build upon to understand more complex coding, i.e., become the next genius engineers to save the world, or at least they can have fun and create some cool music.

The system works by helping kids learn music fundamentals such as chord progressions, leading into patterns and sequences. As they get to know coding’s creative side, they develop an ear for rhythm, melody and harmony. And more good news for parents: new research finds that high-school students who studied music appreciation scored 61 points better on their verbal SATs and 42 points better on their math SATs.

Once their arrangements are composed, kids can safely share their jammer mixes with family and friends. As they build the system with more blocks, they can create literally millions of combinations and programming options.

Here’s a short glimpse at what the experience is like: https://youtu.be/E9eAMARTnAk.

Osmo system are available at Amazon, Target, ToysRUs and online at the Osmo store.

Expert gives tips for children on posture to express confidence and strength

More children get left in cars during back-to-school season

GMC has announced a new vehicle feature to help prevent caregivers from accidentally leaving children in cars, which can be a fatal mistake in hot weather. GMC’s “Rear Seat Reminder” is an industry-first technology intended to help remind the driver to look in the rear seat before exiting the vehicle under certain circumstances.

GMC’s protective feature will be standard in the new 2018 GMC Terrain.  The technology does not actually detect objects or people in the rear seat but monitors rear door usage for up to 10 minutes before or during a trip, and when the driver turns off the vehicle.  An alarm sounds five chimes and displays a warning on the driver information center screen, prompting a second look in the back seat. A GMC staff engineer and mother of two, Tricia Morrow, led the development of the technology.

It is as tragic statistic that about half of the heatstroke deaths of children under age 14 occur because caregivers mistakenly leave children in cars. Since 1998, more than 660 children across the United States have died from heatstroke when unattended in a vehicle. During September’s back-to-school season and Baby Safety Month, Safe Kids Worldwide warns that changes in caregivers’ routines can lead to children being forgotten in cars.

Young children are particularly at risk as their bodies heat up three to five times faster than an adult’s.  When a child’s internal temperature gets to 104 degrees, major organs begin to shut down. And when that child’s temperature reaches 107 degrees, the child can die.

Safe Kids Worldwide, an organization of 400 coalitions across the U.S. and funded by General Motors, developed a system called ACT to help remind caregivers not to leave children in cars.  The acronym focuses on avoiding heatstroke by never leaving a child in a car, creating reminders that a child is riding in the car, and taking action by calling 911 if a child is left alone in a car.

Safe Kids warns that children get left behind by loving, caring parents simply because they become distracted, and that these accidences are more common with new parents who are sleep-deprived or when a parent’s routine is disrupted.